Sorry for dissapearing for so long, but I'm making it up to you now: An Answer for America a new slogan for a new day I've been thinking about this for a while. Every few years, we get a new sort of 'concept' of government out of Washington; a 'Bridge to the Future', a 'Contract for America', 'A Thousand Points of Light'. They all aim to 'reinvigorate this great land of ours' and 'start a new lease on the American Dream' and of course, they all eventually just become fodder for Jay Leno's opening monologue. So much so, that I've wondered if the Leno people don't have some sort of arangement going on the side with the U.S Congress. Well, is it just me, or what with War and Anthrax and Economic Recession taking up all the president's time, don't we seem to be without a 'concept' for American government? Sure, there was the briefly lived 'Communities of Character', but then September came, proving our communities have character nailed down in spades and well...you know the rest. Now, I know Mr. Bush Jr. is a very busy man and doesn't have time for such frivolous P.R maneuvers (That's why he has Andrew Card and Ari Fleischer) so I figured I'd pass on my talents to the White House. So, here it is: Bring back Ostracism! No, No, not the namby pamby, 'We're not inviting Carol and her borish husband to the country club brunch anymore', ostracism, no, we're talking about bringing Ostracism back old school style, and by 'old school' I mean Aristotle, Plato, and Sophocles. For all of you who slept through High School history class, every year, our democratic forefathers in good ole' Ancient Athens would gather together to write the name of who they liked least on a piece of broken pottery. The person with the most shards of pottery was booted out of Athens, presumably to pluck out his eyes and kill his Dad and marry his Mother. Now, let me tell you why America needs to bring back Ostracism. First off- nobody votes. It's boring. It seems like it's always a bunch of old white guys on the ballot and it's not like anyone DOES anything in Washington, right? Now, if we tied the election ballot with the ostracism ballot, everyone would vote! It's human nature. Nobody wants to do anybody a favor, but be honest, isn't there someone you want to banned from the country to never return? Your kids, your spouse, your boss; it's really none of my business. The thing is though, nobody will vote for anyone they know personally, instead (here's the silver lining!) since this is America after all- we will vote to boot out celebrities. Carrot Top will go first. Then the Baldwin's. One by one, America's most annoying personalities will be kicked out of the land of the free. I'll be voting for the Dell boy. The actual ostracism can be covered jointly by MTV and Fox, a sort of 'Real World' meets 'Who Wants to Boot Out an Overpaid Celeb?' I think there should be lots of gratuitous pyrotechnics and dramatic lighting as the Ostracee heads onto either a large tugboat or say, Canadian soil. In this wildly divided nation of ours, Ostracism Night will be a night we speak in one voice and that voice will say, "Go Away".

posted by Japhy at 2/19/2002 11:45:00 PM || #