Those Dogs of War! Alright, I just got my latest issue of the urbanhound.com newsletter, a site dedicated to canine living in the big city and 'lo and behold, my pride and joy, my baby, Natalia, the Min Pin with a heart of gold was just recently the "Hound of the Moment"! Of course, this makes perfect sense, because she happens to be the best. dog. ever. Which brings me to this rant. See, as some of you may know, my puppy is at boarding school in Albuquerque right now, that is- I had to temporarily give her away. Why? My stupid roomates. Everyone who knows me, knows that my roomate situation is something like Murphy Brown's 'seceretary situation', that is, I go through them like hotcakes and most of them have been complete pinheads. Even I have been shocked by this recent turn of events, though. See, I've had roomates who have bedded people I was seeing, I've had roomates with emotional disorders, roomates who felt the unnatutral urge to Fosse! at 3 a.m., roomates who paint large phallic sculptures, but I've never had before roomates who are so utterly boring and banal. I'm not afraid to write this on my blog, because they are so completely clueless that I had to point out to them that the apartment we lived in was, in fact, rent-stabalized. God, I hate these wretched wastes of space. This is why God invented New Jersey! Why didn't they get the memo? The most distinctive feature about one roomate is that she adores Madonna, which of course is the most generic obsession imaginable, though she really does give it the good old community college try. Our hallway is a gauntlet of Madonna magazine pull-outs. They call to me, 'You Must Love Me!', 'Express Yourself!', 'I'm a Candy Perfume Girl!' Arrrgh! Run on through! Look away! The other roomate's distinguishing feauture is that he is like Pig Pen, were Pig Pen's ball of dust surrounding him actually, say- pot smoke. And who, can I ask you, spells their name legally as 'Kris'..with a K! It's not like I haven't tried. I say 'hello', I invited them to gallery openings, I even made lasagna. What do I get in return? Well, they shout 'Oh, No!' and start giggling when I enter the living room during one of their 'smoke up times', ie: Thursday-Tuesday. But these are not laid back, cool stoners....no- instead, I live with 1/3 of the reject cast for the Real World, Seattle. They're moody AND stupid. The other day, one of them described themselves as having a really 'subtle sarcastic wit'. Of course, they didn't say that, because that was far too concise and verbose for the likes of them, but that's what they meant. Of course, the only way that could have been possibly true was if they were using 'subtle sarcastic wit' in saying that comment! That would be brilliant. Alas, it was not to be? Did I mention that my roomate glues his face over pictures of people standing near Chris Beekman (of RW:Chicago fame) so that HE can stand near Chris Beekman? I also think that they think they are cooler than me. AND they made me get rid of my dog. Then had the audacity to STILL ask me to move out. These are the people I moved to New York to get away from. Won't anyone take in a cool, mature, but fun boy and his dog? Bueller? Bueller? God, I feel like I'm in high school. Thank you for letting me vent. Where's Jill when I need her? Jill, if you're out there: I lost yr cell #. Jill, what's a street wolf to do?

posted by Japhy at 9/03/2002 02:59:00 PM || #