Advent: Fifth Note: This the fifth part of a twenty-four part series running through December 24th. To read the previous installments in a convenient form, go here. "You know I will always love you, don't you?" "Um- yes Daniel." "You're my favorite person in the world." "Don't do this." "Okay, fine." Welcome to the Living Bible Museum. Watch the great moments of the Bible come to life! Here in Mansfield, Ohio, in a suburban tract home development, little old ladies have been buying derelict Madame Tussaud figures and transforming them into Sodom and Gemmorah, the Resurrection and the Garden of Eden. Daniel and I are ushered into The Life of Jesus by Ms. Mary Winthrop, who's curly black perm forms a righteous football helmet around her head. Ms. Winthrop carefully explains to us, the youngest members of our tour group by decades, that this must be conducted in silence, and please, no flash photography. Walking down the darkened corridor, we stop at giant rectangular cutouts in the wall where Mary presses a small white button. The portal lights up and there's Jesus- surrounded by Cinderella, Pocahantas and what looks like the cast of Up With People. Nothing moves, but the voice of Jesus (who sounds a little bit like the gift shop manager) tells us he loves all of His creation, which apparently also includes fictional characters, a comfort to us all. We follow His life in diorama after diorama, watching Him preach, get whipped (bloodstains on the wall and all), die, rise again into the clouds of heaven, which are made up of gossamer hair and finally we stand before the Final Judgement. Jesus, sits at a giant throne, facing us head on. To his left is heaven, which looks exactly like Mansfield, Ohio, only everyone is wearing white robes. To his right is the burning pits of Hell, where a business woman, complete with attache case, writhes in eternal agony for the sin of leaving the house for employment. After this vision, we are whisked into a small chapel, lit by a fluorescent cross and asked to sit a moment, "to reflect on the things we just saw." Mary blocks the exit door with her stout frame and we wait. A moment passes as Daniel and I do our best to look moved. All at once, the chapel is filled with a synth pop version of "The Lord is Our Redeemer".. Daniel grabs onto my leg and gives me a "If you laugh right now they will dip us in wax and put us on display for eternity" look and put my hands over my mouth, look down and furiously start thinking about the unfunniest thing I know, Mother Theresa, to keep it in. Finally, Mary releases us from our enforced meditations and it's over. As we browse through the gift shop, snatching up postcards, Mary comes up to us. "How did you like it?", she asks. We spill over with compliments, saying we found the entire thing to be fascinating and expressing our sorrow that we couldn't see the other tours. "It's not often we get young people here, where are you from?" We tell her, "New York" and in a flash her cup truly runneth over. "You poor boys!", she says with total empathy, "Would you like a behind the scenes tour?" and before we can refuse, she has brought us back through the chapel and down a incomplete section of corridor. She turns on a worklight. "When this will be done, it will be the Upper Room. See that cardinal in the window. The man who builds the sets for us had a dream, and God spoke to him and told him to put that cardinal there. He also said He wanted the room to be painted brown. Isn't it just amazing what you can do with proper lighting?"

posted by Japhy at 12/04/2002 09:00:00 PM || #