Moving Notice You can now use the address japhygrant.com to reach japhyjunket. In anticipation of a site redesign pleae use this address to link and access japhyjunket from now on so you won't be missing out.

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posted by Japhy at 1/30/2003 11:26:00 AM || #

Happy (Belated) Birthday Jill! Alright: So first off, the apologies- Jill's birthday is on January 27th and I thought it was on the 29th. Regardless, I'm late in sending her my Blog greetings. Please please forgive me! Why do we celebrate Jill? Well, to begin with, Jill is probably the friend I've known the longest. She knew me when we were weird high school kids and somehow managed to still talk to me after all this time. More than that, Jill is amazing. She has been, in her short career, a consumptive Victorian, a goth girl, a phoenix, many old women, a voice for sex education (not as scandolous as you might think), and forget not her current incarnation- Adorable American Schoolteacher to the people of Japan. Through all these changes, and through all mine she has been one of the few people in my life I've ever been completely comfortable around. She probably would rather I not say any of these things, because Jill has dignity, but ah well- I don't. I don't see her nearly often enough, world traveler that she is, but I plan on making that up soon. In the meantime, let me praise Jill in the only way I know how: Jill- Jeanie Deardon emailed me today! Jill- What does the Japanese on the photo above say? Jill- Teddy bears can kill! Jill- I'll beat you, Beat You, BEAT YOU!!! Happy Birthday!

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posted by Japhy at 1/29/2003 02:17:00 PM || #

Read Old Stuff I've finally repaired the archive link, so now you can easily click on it and catch up on all the Japhyjunket you want.

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posted by Japhy at 1/29/2003 02:00:00 PM || #

Japhy Notes: First week of school at Brooklyn College. The benefit of night classes is that the students tend to be more of the wayward hipster variety and less of the well- boring variety. Professors are great and of course, I go to the only school in the world where the school bells peal out the "Theme From Mahogany" instead of a passing bell. Seriously. Found a title for the collection of short stories I am working on. Title is, "The Human Drift", which is the title of a short essay by Jack London about the migratory nature of man. Read it here. The short stories, which I will realistically try to get published separately, run on a ludicrously simple concept: I'm writing each story for a friend of mine. It's not a story about them, but rather, the kind of story they would like to read. Of course, knowing me I will manage to do it in a way that will guarantee they will never speak to me again once they read it. Still, it's fun, it's easy, it keeps me writing. Also- I am working with a few people to develop an online arts magazine that will, instead of having a regular staff, will be created each issue by a group of young artists (writers, photographers, fashion, etc...). If you have any interest, especially the bloggers out there, let me know. It's meant to be fun and by virtue of rotating the staff, not too much pressure. Other than that- I need to clean my room. And get a haircut. And a real job.

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posted by Japhy at 1/28/2003 09:50:00 PM || #

Singing the Week Away A gift from a client, my new MP3 player is begging for tunes. The subway ride is so much easier to deal with with tunes to block out the battery salesmen and the homeless. Yes, the revoloution is going to kill me for being an evil member of the bourgeoisie, but in the meanwhile here are some songs to get YOU through the week, with top picks for each day. Running a search on Gracenote, I found some of the most popular songs for each day. You can learn a lot about the days of the week by what rockers write tunes for them. Monday (6398 songs) Jimmy Buffet - "Come Monday" New Order- "Blue Monday" Duran Duran- "New Moon on Monday" Bangles - "Manic Monday" The Mama's & The Papa's - "Monday Monday" Tuesday (2417 songs) Metallica - "Tuesday's Gone" The Rolling Stones - "Ruby Tuesday" The Moody Blues - "Tuesday Afternoon" Lynryd Skynyrd - "Tuesday's Gone" Stevie Wonder - "Tuesday Heartbreak" Cat Stevens - "Tuesday's Dead" Wednesday (853 Songs) Lisa Loeb - "Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M." Tori Amos - "Wednesday" Emilíana Torrini - "Wednesday's Child" Shivaree - "Ash Wednesday" Leonardo's Bride - "Wednesday" Thursday (869 songs) David Bowie - "Thursday's Child" Morphine - "Thursday" Pizzacato Five - "Sweet Thursday" Millenium - "To Claudia on Thursday" Duke Ellington - "Suite Thursday" Friday (3456 songs) The Cure - "Friday I'm in Love" R.Kelly - "Thank God It's Friday" Steely Dan - "Black Friday" Medeski, Martin and Wood - "Friday Afternoon in the Universe" Phish - "Friday" Saturday (8964 songs) Bon Jovi - "Someday I'll be Saturday Night" Eve 6 - "Saturday Night" The Cure - "10:15 Saturday Night" Phil Collins - "Saturday Night...And Morning" Spice Girls - "Saturday Night Divas" Sunday (11671 songs) U2 - "Sunday Bloody Sunday" No Doubt - "Sunday Morning" Stone Temple Pilots - "Naked Sunday" Green Day - "Church on Sunday" Moby - "Sunday (The Day Before My Birthday)" To put it all into a little ditty: Monday's Rocker is New Wave gold Tuesday's Rocker is just plain old. Wednesday's Rocker is a whiny girl Thursday's Rocker is an underated pearl Friday's Rocker is ready for a fight Saturday's Rocker only comes out at night But even though Sunday's Rockers are in excess They're the ones that are a big success.

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posted by Japhy at 1/27/2003 03:12:00 PM || #

Japhy's Over His Hammy You know what? I'm tired of providing y'all with fresh innovative content! What do you think this is? Balthazar? Ladies and Gentleman of the World, I aspire to be the Denny's of Creation. So here's some warmed over Weezer lyrics to stuff yourself with. Experience the greasy joy of reading lyrics to a great pop song and realizing that the really cool sentiment you thought applied SO MUCH TO YOU when you heard it on the radio is in fact nothing more than reused congealed fat. Now, shut up and eat your meat. :: Keep Fishin' You'll never be A better kind If you don't leave The world behind Waste my days Down the ways It's just the thought of you In love with someone else It breaks my heart to see you Hanging from your shelf You'll never do The things you want If you don't move And get a job Waste my days Down the ways It's just the thought of you In love with someone else It breaks my heart to see you Hanging from your shelf Oh girl, when I'm in love with you Keep fishin' if you feel it's true There's nothin' much that we can do To save you from yourself Waste my days Down the ways It's just the thought of you In love with someone else It breaks my heart to see you Hanging from your shelf Oh girl, when I'm in love with you Keep fishin' if you feel it's true There's nothin' much that we can do To save you from yourself You'll never be A better kind You'll never be A better kind Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Whoa-oh, whoa-oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh

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posted by Japhy at 1/26/2003 08:35:00 PM || #

And Now- For a Stupid Web Trick Ya know when people find things that are weird or quirky or hillarious on the web and they just give you a link to it without telling you what it is? Click here! It's funny! Honest! Yeah, I hate when people do that. Special thanks to Fiona, for finding this.

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posted by Japhy at 1/23/2003 01:04:00 PM || #

In Praise of Duncan Sheik Aimee Mann will be performing at Irving Plaza in a few weeks. I've been trying to secure tickets for a week now, and it seems all kinds of sold out. What makes the lack of satisfaction even worse is that Duncan Sheik is opening for Aimee. What you say? Duncan "I am Barely Breathing" Sheik? Japhy, I thought you were cool. Okay, I know, I know- nobody thinks I'm cool, but Duncan is. Since his 1996 one-hit-wonder debut, Duncan has really matured. Yes, he's pop as all get out, but he's intelligent, fun, charming pop. While Christina might be the girl for you if you want to spend your night with hot and sweaty Mexican wrestlers, Duncan creates the kind of pop music you want to wake up next to in the morning. His Nick Drake-ish tunes are intimate and grand at once, the sound of a guitar plucking against a background of lush strings. Duncan Sheik creates pop music for people who hate pop music. Oh, and he kind of looks like John Cusack too :-) His latest album, Daylight, a return to a more pop-rock-folk sensibility after his experimental Phantom Moon, is out now. For those of you with no scruples, here are some songs from various Duncan albums' you should download: Songbird- If you need a song to convert you, this cover of the Fleetwood Mac song is it. Set against lilting strings, Duncan's voice carries the sincerity of lines like " To you, I will never be cold- 'cuz I feel like when I'm with you I know it's alright, I know it's right." In anyone else's hands (even Stevie Nicks') these declarations would seem cheezy and over the top, however Sheik's interpretation turns doey-eyed infatuation into meaningful promise. On a High- You may have heard this song already, as it is the first single from Daylight. The most pop of all these selections with lines like "If you're fine, then you're fine, it's all how you see it", it is anthem to taking a Zen approach to love, set to tambourine's and a kick drum bass line. If you want a pop song that doesn't talk down to you, this is it - currently my "Let's play over and over" song. This is How My Heart Heard- "That little thing in tears, we call the truth" Quiet, moody and introspective, this is a fantastic break-up song, because unlike most songs of the genre, this song hits more than one note; it captures the full range of loss, from pain to acceptance to the bittersweet thing that remains after it is all washed away. "I forgot the taste of fears and now they haunt the lips of who you're kissing" Mr. Chess- Unlike most pop stars, Duncan writes his own songs. In this simple guitar and piano song, you can see that even stripped away from orchestration, Duncan shows how great songs have no need for decoration. Start Again- From his latest album, Duncan pushes the amps up a few notches to create a road-trip worthy rock ballad with fantastic riffs that seem constantly on the verge of spilling over into chaos. Sad Stephen's Song- A wary bass line starts this ballad, a tribute to Nick Drake. Incredibly haunting, Duncan combines childhood dreams of mermaids who transform into sirens that call the listener to adulthood and back again- a vibrato that reverberates between innocence and experience. From Amazon.com:

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posted by Japhy at 1/23/2003 12:06:00 PM || #

Antihipster Jared Abbott Lookalike Precious Moments Doll Tossed by Michael Jackson into a Den of Catfighting Horny Girls Engaging in 80's Hardcore Sex while Drinking Smart Watermelon and Browsing Blackpeopleloveus.com; All just an Audition for The Sex Film Project In the event of having nothing to write, a good blogger should entertain his or her readers with: The TOP 10 Keywords that will link you to Japhjunket! Yes, people occasionally come to Japhyjunket unaware of what they are getting themselves into. These keywords are the ones most likely to make them fall down the wabbit hole. 10. Jared Abbott- I don't know if it's a common name or if my pal J-Lo is in fact a bona fide net celeb in the rough, but people search for him all the time and find me. 9. Precious Moments Trailer Trash- More popular than Jared, the cute little characters that live in Carthage Missouri are a popular keyphrase, but oddly, the search phrase always involves some disparaging tag. Other popular ones include "Precious Moments is for commies" and "Precious Moments girls having sex" 8. 80's Hardcore Sex- About which I have never written, but really, what a fascinating topic. Honestly, I will write about this soon, since the demand is obviously there. 7. Antihipster- That's me- so underground, not even I know who I am yet. 6. Michael Jackson Baby Tossing - People still search for this. Why? It's over. Jackson's a baby tosser. Big deal. 5. Horny little girls pissing - Yeah, this one is like super popular. Which is odd. Since I have never written about ANY of these things. And never will. Sorry readers, get your watersports elsewhere. 4. Smart Watermelon - Chinese soda is so very very good. Sure, it's probably loaded with Communist-loving drugs that make you shout "Mao is God!" in your sleep, but c'mon- you know there's something inherrently good about watermelon that is smart. 3. The Sex Project- That's right, John Cameron Mitchell's doing porn. I told ya first how to audition. Hurry up, times a-wastin'. 2. Blackpeopleloveus.com - Well, they do. 1. Catfight(s) - More than anything else, people seem to be looking for catfights on the net. Catfights between hillbillies, catfights in Branson, "chicks" of any racial stripe in catfights, dirty mud wrestling catfights. Catfghting is to the early 21st Century what Tang was to the 80's. Man, I love a good catfight!

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posted by Japhy at 1/20/2003 05:14:00 PM || #

Awfully busy this past week- please excuse the lack of blogging. C'mon- Get Burned! Some of you may be familiar with the Burning Man Festival, which takes place every August out west. It's a huge arts festival and community which exists for one week only. It's mad crazy and for years, I have wanted to go. This year, I plan on making that a reality. What I am trying to do is get a group of like minded NYC people to get together and make it a crazy trek. If you are interested, shoot me an email. I already have a few people who have expressed interest and once we get a little group going we'll start figuring out details. I think it would be a lot of fun to go with people you already know and besides- you get to set things on fire!

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posted by Japhy at 1/19/2003 10:07:00 PM || #

Balducci's Closes. Where have all the truffles gone? Yesterday was the last day of business for the famed Balducci's Village store. Madonna shopped there. I browsed. It was a familiar sight for years when I lived in the Village and now it is history. Read about it here.

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posted by Japhy at 1/08/2003 09:21:00 AM || #

Top 10 Reasons Epcot Center is Still Cool Having just returned from my family vacation in sunny Orlando, I tuned in to catch the latet episode of The Simpsons. Since Matt Groening knew I was going to be on vacation, he produced an episode just for me- The Simpson family visits Epcot! Or rather Efcot. From the airplane Homer stares down at the Futuresphere (aka Spaceship Earth) and shouts in horror, "It's even boring from the air!" The episode parodies Epcot's shameless corporate sponsorship (a ride sponsored by a gas company takes Homer and Bart on a ride aboard an electric car which wheezes, "I'm so slow and if your ride me people will think you're gay. A group of flamboyant AudioAnimatronics pass by shouting "One of us, One of us"). Principal Skinner even sleeps in Monsato's House of the Future, which was in Tommorowland at Disneyland in the 60's. Epcot is my favorite park, so here without further adieu, here are the top 10 reason Epcot is still cool. 10. Sure, everything is expensive, but you can get free soda from all over the world at Ice Station Cool. My favorite is "Smart Watermelon" from China. Because I live in a Dominican neigborhood, I can indulge in watermelon soda back in NYC too. Drinking some right now in fact. 9. The Universe of Energy features an AudioAnimatronic Ellen Degeneres fighting off a dinosaur. Yes, Ellen Degeneres. 8. Disney cast members (employees) are crazy. I went to Guest Relations and asked a Cast Member what the Ancient Greek Play being performed in "Spaceship Earth" is and without missing a beat, the cast member replied, "Oedipus Rex". 7. Talking water fountains. 6. Space Age optimism is awfully retro. 5. Circlevision 360 films. Whenever Disney does a movie, it does it some ridiculously widescreen format. The most popular wraps completely around you in all directions. In an age of increasingly small cinema screens, it's amazing to see what large format film can do. 4. You can hit on people from 12 different countries. Everything from Swedes to Japanese, all World Showcase cast members are from their native countries. 3. Illuminations: Reflections of Earth. The best show Disney has ever created, Illuminations tells the story of man in twenty minutes. When was the last time a fireworks show made you tear up? 2. Epcot stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tommorow. Or Every Person Comes Out Tired. Or Explosive Polyster Costumes of Tommorow. Or, if you're a cast member, Every Paycheck comes on Thursday (except on holidays when it comes out Wednesday). 1. You'll get the jokes in the Simpsons episode "Special Edna". If this has failed to convince you, have hope. Disney plans a major overhaul of Epcot, dubbed "Project Gemini". In addition to a new 3G ride called "Mission: Space", they plan on adding two new countries and replacing the ride within Spaceship Earth with a Microsoft sponsored ride called "Time Racers". The rededication would take place in 2006.

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posted by Japhy at 1/07/2003 09:00:00 PM || #

Be in the Movies! Naked. James Cameron Mitchell's latest project uses the internet to find randy new talent Note: As opposed to most of my blog, this is real news. Brought to you exclusively by Japhyjunket. You read it here first. James Cameron Mitchell is leaping from trannie trailer trash to hardcore sex in his latest venture, his as of yet untitled Sex Film Project, and he needs your help. For his next trick, the writer, director and performer of Hedwig and the Angry Inch is looking for a few tricks...er..hard-up actors or non-actors to audition for his latest venture, which he'll write and direct. The film aims to be a serious dramatic film, but also include hardcore sex acts. Explaining his reasoning, Mitchell says, "Sex is a conversation. Why can't a scene with two people having real sex be as dramatically interesting as a scene with them talking in a restaurant? Why can't there be a film that makes you say, "I laughed, I cried, I came!". Citing the work of Lars Von Trier and John Cassavettes as inspiration, Mitchell hopes to develop the piece in collaboration with the performers, helping them build up their characters and uh...stamina. You must be over 18 and prefferably a New Yorker and of course, willing to perform on camera. Those interested can go to www.thesexfilmproject.com, but be forewarned, the site is sexually explicit and contains sexually explicit graphics. Then again, if you want to be part of the shoot, you probably won't mind. They must recieve submissions by February 15th, so hurry up, put on your nearest garter belt and pray you don't have any performance anxiety.

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posted by Japhy at 1/07/2003 09:35:00 AM || #

Introducing Japhy Grant After almost a year of blogging, I realize I've never actually told all you good folks out there in Blog Land just who I am. Sure, most of you know me, but for those who don't, an introduction is in order. The Baseball Card Stats: Age: 23 Gender: Male Location: A garret in Washington Heights, New York City, New York. Occupation: Student, Writer, Copywriter, Tutor. Formerly at ABC Daytime. Interests: Photography, Art in general- with specific interests in Pop, Abstract Impressionism, Roccoco, Barouque, and anything Big, Red and a Series. Readingb, Films, Skiing, Theatre, especially performance, Blogging, The 80's. Influences: Andy Warhol, James Joyce, Jacques Barzun, Walt Disney, Montaigne, Branson, my parents, Salon.com,Baz Luhrman (though as a person, I dislike him intensely). Style: Changes with the week. Education: Currently pursuing a BFA in Creative Writing at Brooklyn College, former home of Allen Ginsberg and rated the most beautiful campus in America (does not apply to the students however). Formerly at Tisch School of the Arts, NYU, studying Dramatic Writing. Left for financial reasons. Films I Like: Harold & Maude, Mullholland Drive, anything by Krystof Kieslowski, Dead Again, The Royal Tennenbaums, Minnie & Moskowitz, Preston Sturges films, Far From Heaven, Dancer in the Dark, The Neverending Story (but not the sequel), All About Eve (the result of repeated forced watchings at the hands of my Oscar Wilde-ish former roomate), The Red Violin, The Bond series, and of course, all the films I've either written or in my head, including my adaptation of Stranger in a Strange Land, The Sandman and my Star Trek screenplay in which Wesley Crusher is the villain. Books I like: The Dubliners, The Dharma Bums (read it to meet the inspiration for my nom-de-plume), everything Haruki Murakami has written, Coin Locker Babies, Coraline, Plays Well With Others, Siddhartha, a children's book called "Blue Lights" that I have never been able to find but loved in the third grade, Fight Club, which I read a good four years before the movie, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, The World According to Garp, biographies and The Stories of Breece D'J Pancake. Music I like: Anything Nick Drake-ish, including Duncan Shiek and his ilk, Lamya, NERD, Bjork, Billy Joel, Radiohead, Fischerspooner, Malcom McLaren, Craig Armstrong, Avalanches, the White Stripes, PSB, Janet Jackson, Dolly Parton, Dimitri from Paris, Robbie Williams, Cassandra Wilson, Audra McDonald, David Bowie, Brian Eno, covers of Mack the Knife and the Laverne and Shirley theme song, The Cure, The Smiths, Bob Dylan, The Velvet Underground, The Vines, Quincy Jones, Prince, Annie Lennox's "Money Can't Buy It", anything Jared Abbott reccomends to me. Seminal Moment: April 28th, 1979. This makes me a Taurus or if your Chinese, a Ram Running on the Mountain- an extremely auspicious sign I'm told. The FAQ: Is your name really Japhy? Not legally, nope. It is a nickname though and it makes me happy when you call me Japhy. What's your real name? Elvis Aaron Presley Why do you write on this blog? Originally, because it looked like fun. Since I started Japhyjunket it has helped me improve on my weakest writer skill: laziness. I am a very lazy writer. The blog has forced me to write more often and it's pretty fun to boot. What do you want to do with your life? Everything. No...really... Start a media production company that will allow me the leeway to pursue all the various projects in my head as well as enable other young artists to work together in a collaborative community. The company is called AnvilArts and it's not dead, just sleeping. So you want to be a producer? Sort of. I find it frustrating that there is so much talent out there and that our late-capitalist society forces them to work in isolation, even in big cities. I want to change that. Will you marry me? And ruin our beautiful friendship? Seriously though, I'm not the marrying type. Have you ever been in love? Yes. I'm a big fan of love. More than a career or money or really anything else, I believe love is the reason to live. What's your favorite food? Lobster. Have other questions? Ask me and I'll post them here.

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posted by Japhy at 1/06/2003 09:03:00 AM || #