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1.20.2003
Antihipster Jared Abbott Lookalike Precious Moments Doll Tossed by Michael Jackson into a Den of Catfighting Horny Girls Engaging in 80's Hardcore Sex while Drinking Smart Watermelon and Browsing Blackpeopleloveus.com; All just an Audition for The Sex Film Project
In the event of having nothing to write, a good blogger should entertain his or her readers with:
The TOP 10 Keywords that will link you to Japhjunket!
Yes, people occasionally come to Japhyjunket unaware of what they are getting themselves into. These keywords are the ones most likely to make them fall down the wabbit hole.
10. Jared Abbott- I don't know if it's a common name or if my pal J-Lo is in fact a bona fide net celeb in the rough, but people search for him all the time and find me.
9. Precious Moments Trailer Trash- More popular than Jared, the cute little characters that live in Carthage Missouri are a popular keyphrase, but oddly, the search phrase always involves some disparaging tag. Other popular ones include "Precious Moments is for commies" and "Precious Moments girls having sex"
8. 80's Hardcore Sex- About which I have never written, but really, what a fascinating topic. Honestly, I will write about this soon, since the demand is obviously there.
7. Antihipster- That's me- so underground, not even I know who I am yet.
6. Michael Jackson Baby Tossing - People still search for this. Why? It's over. Jackson's a baby tosser. Big deal.
5. Horny little girls pissing - Yeah, this one is like super popular. Which is odd. Since I have never written about ANY of these things. And never will. Sorry readers, get your watersports elsewhere.
4. Smart Watermelon - Chinese soda is so very very good. Sure, it's probably loaded with Communist-loving drugs that make you shout "Mao is God!" in your sleep, but c'mon- you know there's something inherrently good about watermelon that is smart.
3. The Sex Project- That's right, John Cameron Mitchell's doing porn. I told ya first how to audition. Hurry up, times a-wastin'.
2. Blackpeopleloveus.com - Well, they do.
1. Catfight(s) - More than anything else, people seem to be looking for catfights on the net. Catfights between hillbillies, catfights in Branson, "chicks" of any racial stripe in catfights, dirty mud wrestling catfights. Catfghting is to the early 21st Century what Tang was to the 80's. Man, I love a good catfight!
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