A Rant For lack of any better term Well, bloody hell- seems Japhyjunket has become a weekly blog. Blarg. Actually, there's a few reasons for all this. First off, after staying out too late at John Cameron Mitchell's middle school inspired soiree last week, I caught the flu. I blame it entirely on John, of course :-) In any event, I was all excited when my symptoms turned out to be a dry heavy cough, fever and extreme fatigue. I was hoping to give you Japhyjunket readers an exclusive account of the first American case of that weird Asian bug, but alas, it turned out I had nothing more than a little case of Pre-War-Anxiety-Syndrome and with President Bush's speech nearly two days ago, I, just like the stock market, recovered nicely. Yes, even my excuses are ripped from the headlines. So, two hours from now, Saddam's deadline is up. Actually it's 1 hour, 11 minutes and 32 seconds from now according to Fox, which has set up a countdown ticker to scroll in the corner of your screen. They also do this for the Superbowl, the Oscars (poor red carpetless Joan "Anne Frank was a bitch. Always whining!*" and Melissa "I'm no celebrity, but I'll go to the rainforest to become one" Rivers- if ever there was a case for U.N. Aide...) and moments leading up to the latest Madonna controversies. God, that last parenthetical statement just went on way too long, didn't it? Really ruined my flow. Ah, well- war. I'm going to say this once, and then I'll have had my peace: Mr. President, I am opposed to your war, even though I support military action when necessary, am against Saddam Hussein and do not believe that you are only interested in Iraq for its oil. Mr. President, I am opposed to your war, because, while we will surely win it, you have proven to the rest of the world what it fears most about the U.S.: That we are a big bully who will do whatever it wants if the rest of the world does not agree to what we demand. Your actions have convinced the people of the world that America is a loose cannon that will do whatever it pleases, whenever it pleases. I do not believe that the U.N. inspections had failed or been exhausted and while I am happy that our troops will be liberating a repressed people, I am ashamed of the road your administration has taken to get us there. God, I liked it back when Japhyjunket's main concerns were thrashing the Dell Boy and getting drunk on Tuesdays. Stupid recession, stupid war, stupid cigarette ban, stupid Bloomberg, stupid cops, stupid rent, stupid electric bills, stupid inconsistent weather, stupid sun and stupid moon and stupid people everywhere. This is what you get for paying attention to the world. I am officially switching my Home Page from The New York Times to The Onion. I am fed up with falling buildings, bearded guys, mustachioed guys, doomsayer fish, concrete bunkers and most of all the fact that it's all brilliantly marketed by Fox. This is my youth (well, relative youth) and goddamnit, I'd like at least a little part of it to be charmingly naive! God, I miss the Cold War. So- for the forseeable future, Japhyjunket is gonna focus on happy things. Like bunnies. And sex. *actual quote by Ms. Joan.

posted by Japhy at 3/19/2003 03:49:00 PM || #