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10.14.2004
What I Learned from George
In the past month, I got to see more of my president than I have in the last four years. There he was in three different incarnations over three nights, like the Fates or the Stooges. First there was sour old King George the Scowler, then emerged fist pounding Prince George of Lake Mistakeless and finally sunny King George of Botoxia who smiles at everything, be it dying children or the poor getting poorer. I watched his Royal Presidentness and listened, like America, did I ever listen. Here is what I learned.
-Being President is a hard job. Like, really really hard. Even when 49% of the time you're on vacation, it's hard. Haaaarrrrd.
-The "No Child Left Behind Act" is a jobs program. Also, a healthcare program. Never mind that it was underfunded. Just don't call it an education program. Wait, it is an education program. Also, since the children we're not leaving behind will most likely be shipped out to war, it's a Defense program too.
-The problems with our healthcare system in this country are most definitely not the fault of this administration. Hee Hee Hee. Asshole.
- Also, the fact that we don't have enough flu shots is not the fault of the government, at least not our government. Blame Britain! I learned that unless I am actually dying, or about to die, i should not get a flu vaccine.
-Social Security is fine for the old folks who vote, but for us "youngsters" (he actually called me that. Fuck you.), we're pretty much screwed.
-Bush NEVER said about Osama Bin Laden, "I don't know where he is. I -- I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him." What you saw at the March 2002 press conference was staged and saying otherwise is unAmerican™.
-Also, Bush makes no mistakes. If he ever does, he hopes we'll all wait till he's long dead before pointing them out.
-Bush is like Richard III. No, no, not that he's a desperate powermonger who will lie and deceive anyone in his desperate desire to have power, but rather, that he is a hunchback.
-My favorite thing I learned, however, and frankly the reason why undecided voters need to cast their lot for Kerry is that, if reelected, Bush will appoint Supreme Court Justices who will overturn Roe vs. Wade aka "Dredd Scott II."
Really, this guy just can't be our President. I mean, this is the Leader of the Free World we're deciding, not the next Apprentice. Who am I kidding? Bush is way more Big Brother than The Aprrentice. Let's just hope this will all be over soon. You better vote.
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