I Am Now a Song Title This is one of those things that defy description. WBCN DJ and former "high school rival" Andy Hicks has composed a song called "The Japhy Grant Experience", available for download at his site. If you had happened to download my audblog audio post a while back, you may recognize some of the lyrics. Honestly, I'll have to say it's not exactly the runaway pop hit I always dreamed of becoming- It's the kind of song you would expect to be playing in a gay dance club in a late nineties romantic comedy (or ya know, "Queer as Folk" circa 2003). Of course, this might be Andy'sgoal (he is my "rival", ya know!), but it's really pretty funny, I come off as Canadian, and now I know the warm fuzzies Moby felt when Eminem name-checked him. Really though, I'm just smitten to death, right now. He finally got my name right! What Andy really needs to do now is play the single on 'BCN. I smell the makings of a cult classic.

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posted by Japhy at 3/30/2003 10:38:00 AM || #

SMOKE! At 12:01 tonight (Saturday- technically Sunday) it will be illegal to smoke in bars, restaraunts, or most other places in New York. Smoking will be a thing of the past in our fair city and bars will be filled with air as clean as a mountain glade. Yeah, right. You can fill our subway stations with machine-gun equipped soldiers, tell us to stock up on duct tape and take away our rights to speak out, but to paraphrase the great Moses- "From my cold cancer-ridden, dead body." Thank you Mr. Bloomberg for making smoking cool again.

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posted by Japhy at 3/29/2003 04:37:00 PM || #

japhy unplugged : taylor mack just did the most amazing version of dont worry be happy. An explanation: His name is really spelled Taylor Mac. He performed "Don't Worry, Be Happy" dressed completely in white, blood smeared across his skin, his head sticking out with tampons like a multi-fused bomb. It's been a long time since I've watched something with my jaw on the floor. As he sang the chorus, he went from utter monotone to sing song as his face litteraly fractured into a perverse smile. As he turned the "Don't worry" anthem into a staccatto gunshot ("D-D-D-D-D-on't Worry!") I knew ( and the audience knew) they had seen something truly remarkable. When Flotilla DeBarge gives you credit three times during her own set, you know you're onto something big. The place to see this and more is Queen Size, hosted by The World Famous *BOB*, Friday nights at The Slide/Marquee, right on Bowery and 4th Street, next to Marion's. Next week is *BOB*'s birthday. Jackie Beat will be there. You be there, too.

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posted by Japhy at 3/28/2003 10:07:00 PM || #

Arab News Agency Now in English Al Jazeera, the CNN of the Middle East, has launched an English version of its website. Claiming to be "objective and balanced news coverage and analysis", I include the link here simply because much of the footage that U.S. networks are using are coming from this source, which while biased, has access that American "embed" reporters don't have. They also have a fairly good article on how it seems a wee bit hypocritical for Bush to claim that Iraq is violating Geneva accords by showing American P.O.W.'s on TV, when U.S. media outlets have been showing Iraqi P.O.W's over and over again. That said, there are articles posted that show both U.S. and Iraqi dead and the site is quite graphic. I'm of two minds about it- certainly I deplore anything which exploits the death of anyone, be they Iraqi or American, but if some feel it is right to co-opt images of the World Trade Center collapsing and the faces of those who died for their own political purposes and agendas, maybe the sight of a dead soldier or civilian, regardless of their nationality will embolden us, and by "us", I mean, humanity, to seek out a world in which conflict can be solved without bloodshed. Go here for Al Jazeera on the web

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posted by Japhy at 3/24/2003 11:47:00 PM || #

Concert Review: Damien Rice @ Joe's Pub It's just amazing how much sound comes out of Irish singer-songwriter Damien Rice. Armed with only a guitar and a vocoder (and occasionally a cello and a solo female backup) , Rice manages to transmit more energy than most full out rock bands, with tons more heart to boot. Already a star in his native Ireland, the scraggly and invitingly shy musician comes to the States with a set that builds on, rather than abandons, his previous melancholy and lyrical David Grey meets Nick Drake sound. The Damien Rice who performed last night at Joe's Pub has transformed himself from Hurt Lover to Scorned Lover, going from plaintive regret to vicious accusations in the span of a bruised heartbeat. While his first album O was a refreshing jolt to the moody boy singer-songwriter genre, kept to bare bones and filled with inventive lyrics like "Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth/ Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt/ Still a little hard to say what's going on", Rice's new stuff, some from the UK EP Woman Like a Man and much of it unreleased, is stronger both in terms of lyrics and music. The mopey and dejected boyfriend has found his natural alter-ego, The Guy Who Won't Let Go, and yeah- it's a little scary, but as the largely female audience attests to, nothing is more compelling than a dangerous sensitive guy. When Rice sings on The Blower's Daughter that he "can't take my eyes off of you" over and over again, it's sweetly romantic and frighteningly stalkerish at once. I have a feeling Mr. Rice will be around for a while. His versatility as a musician, his ample and varied songwriting ability (He's not all serious as the lyrics from The Professor illustrate: "Loving is good if your dick's made of wood/ And the dick left inside only half understood her/ What makes her come and what makes her stay?") and yes, the fact that he's a really cute Irish boy, make him the kind of artist you want to keep your eye and ear on for a long time to come. Damien Rice will play Tuesday, March 25 at Joe's Pub, April 28th @ TTS in Cambridge,MA, May 15th @ The Cotton Club in Atlanta,GA, May 17th @ Rudyard Kipling in Louiseville, KY, and May 22nd @ 400 Bar in Mineapolis, MN. More dates are forthcoming. Tickets available through Ticketmaster. Visit Damien Rice and download songs on the web at www.damienrice.com *special thanks goes to Chris VanE. for introducing me to Rice.

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posted by Japhy at 3/24/2003 10:03:00 PM || #

Rollin' UP the Red Carpet The most offensive thing about last night's Oscar Awards was not Michael Moore's speech calling Bush a "fictitious president waging a fictitious war", but rather Hollywood's hubris in believing that anyone cares what it thinks. In this time of war, terrorism and curtailed freedoms, who would possibly want to see the court jesters standing up and discussing politics? Yes, I consider myself an artist, and I respect the rights of anyone to say whatever they please, but while it's one thing to speak your mind, it's another to pretend that the Oscar's really matter. Conservative and liberal stars alike treated the Oscar ceremony as if it was up there with the Liberty Bell as a sacred institution that needed to be defended and justified. In a sea of tasteful black dresses and nauseating veiled references to the war (a sampling: Barbara Streisand: "I am glad that I live in a country that guarantees every citizen, including artists, the right to say and to sing what you believe.", Nicole Kidman: "Why do you come to the Academy Awards when the world is in such turmoil? Because art is important.", Adrien Brody: "Whether you believe in Allah or God, may he watch over you, and pray for a peaceful and swift resolution to this war."- Susan Sarandon, muzzled by virtue of being Death Patrol Girl, still managed to get out a peace sign.) the Academy sought to elevate itself to a level that matched the tenor of our times. Of course, what America really needed was for Sally Fields to tell us that we really really liked her or maybe some random streaking. The last thing Americans tuned in for was four hours of somber treacle. You can't blame the Academy entirely. After all, it had to figure out what the appropriate response to a four day old war would be (POSTPONE THE DAMN SHOW!); balancing the needs of Harvey Weinstein with the needs of the nation. All things considered though, there were some moments worth enjoying. Both Meryl Streep and Kathy Bates seemed to deliver their presentations with a refreshing measure of contempt and boredom, with Bates breaking down halfway through her sing-song TelePrompTer spiel and deliver an aside, "Hey, what do you expect here?" in her usual hoarse cackle that somehow manages to make everything that comes out of her mouth sound like a four letter word. Streep, for her part, was either very drunk or winningly sober as she looked out on her colleagues and the whole glittering affair and just laughed. P.S.- Mr. Moore, congrats on your Oscar. You may be the Rush Limbaugh of the Left, but "Bowling for Columbine" was an amazing work about America and you certainly deserved to be recognized for your work.

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posted by Japhy at 3/24/2003 01:29:00 PM || #

BTW- The comment feature is now working on Japhyjunket again!

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posted by Japhy at 3/21/2003 01:15:00 AM || #

Japhy's Believe It...You Ho. Optimus Prime, Commander of the Autobots, is in the Middle East now, fighting with the U.S. against Iraq. The Pentagon even sent him a letter saying that they feel safer with him on their side.Believe it...You Ho. While Turkey says it refuses to join the "coalition of the willing" and allow the U.S. to station troops there because they oppose the war, Turkey is sending 20,000 Turkish troops into Iraq---to claim it for themselves! Believe it...You Ho. If we go to red alert under the Homeland Security Threat System, all highways will close and you will not be permitted to leave your homes! Believe it...You Ho. As Baghdad is being bombed, one young Iraqi man inside the city continues to update his blog. Some people thought it might have just been CIA propoganda, but even skeptics believe that he is for real- and blogging away while war engulfs his nation. Believe It...You Ho.

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posted by Japhy at 3/20/2003 11:53:00 PM || #

Channel Surfing- 1:50pm NY1: Nightscope view of Baghdad. "You just pray and hope..." CBS: Nightscope view of Baghdad. "Well, Baghdad is burning, at least parts of it." TNT: Jimmie Smitz interrogating a suspect. "So you want to take a minute?" NBC: Regular video of Baghdad. "They're going to look around and see that a lot of things dear to them are gone." Fox: Nightscope view of Baghdad. "There are really two parts of it: The main element of the Republican Gaurd and the Special Republican Gaurd." C-Span: Rep. David Dreier. "What it's all about is taxes." ABC: Regular video of Baghdad. "This must be one of the most terrifying moments that an infantryman could go through." UPN: Fox News Feed of Nightscope view of Bhaghdad. " They say that this is not really the beginning, that when it happens, we'll know it." WB: Split screen between talking head...and nightscope view of Baghdad. "President Saddam Hussein has not been seen in uniform for almost two years." PBS: Talking Head. "He needs for hundreds of millions of people across the world protesting in the streets. He really thinks that will happen." MNN: Chinese Guy doing Tai Chi. "All the excercises are done in twelve reps." WLIW: BBC News Feed of Baghdad nightscope. "British troops are now involved in the growing ground assault." TBS: Urkyll tied to a playground dome with garden house duct taped to him. "Look, now the park has a fountain!" UNI: Regular video of Baghdad. "Deseo funcionar con qué ahora está sucediendo." And as full out war breaks out, you'll have to excuse a little religion: The Prayer of St. Francis Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy. 0h divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console, To be understood as to understand, To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life. *I'm not super religious, but it's good advice, regardless of whatever faith you might be. *bunnies and sex to follow.

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posted by Japhy at 3/20/2003 10:51:00 AM || #

A Rant For lack of any better term Well, bloody hell- seems Japhyjunket has become a weekly blog. Blarg. Actually, there's a few reasons for all this. First off, after staying out too late at John Cameron Mitchell's middle school inspired soiree last week, I caught the flu. I blame it entirely on John, of course :-) In any event, I was all excited when my symptoms turned out to be a dry heavy cough, fever and extreme fatigue. I was hoping to give you Japhyjunket readers an exclusive account of the first American case of that weird Asian bug, but alas, it turned out I had nothing more than a little case of Pre-War-Anxiety-Syndrome and with President Bush's speech nearly two days ago, I, just like the stock market, recovered nicely. Yes, even my excuses are ripped from the headlines. So, two hours from now, Saddam's deadline is up. Actually it's 1 hour, 11 minutes and 32 seconds from now according to Fox, which has set up a countdown ticker to scroll in the corner of your screen. They also do this for the Superbowl, the Oscars (poor red carpetless Joan "Anne Frank was a bitch. Always whining!*" and Melissa "I'm no celebrity, but I'll go to the rainforest to become one" Rivers- if ever there was a case for U.N. Aide...) and moments leading up to the latest Madonna controversies. God, that last parenthetical statement just went on way too long, didn't it? Really ruined my flow. Ah, well- war. I'm going to say this once, and then I'll have had my peace: Mr. President, I am opposed to your war, even though I support military action when necessary, am against Saddam Hussein and do not believe that you are only interested in Iraq for its oil. Mr. President, I am opposed to your war, because, while we will surely win it, you have proven to the rest of the world what it fears most about the U.S.: That we are a big bully who will do whatever it wants if the rest of the world does not agree to what we demand. Your actions have convinced the people of the world that America is a loose cannon that will do whatever it pleases, whenever it pleases. I do not believe that the U.N. inspections had failed or been exhausted and while I am happy that our troops will be liberating a repressed people, I am ashamed of the road your administration has taken to get us there. God, I liked it back when Japhyjunket's main concerns were thrashing the Dell Boy and getting drunk on Tuesdays. Stupid recession, stupid war, stupid cigarette ban, stupid Bloomberg, stupid cops, stupid rent, stupid electric bills, stupid inconsistent weather, stupid sun and stupid moon and stupid people everywhere. This is what you get for paying attention to the world. I am officially switching my Home Page from The New York Times to The Onion. I am fed up with falling buildings, bearded guys, mustachioed guys, doomsayer fish, concrete bunkers and most of all the fact that it's all brilliantly marketed by Fox. This is my youth (well, relative youth) and goddamnit, I'd like at least a little part of it to be charmingly naive! God, I miss the Cold War. So- for the forseeable future, Japhyjunket is gonna focus on happy things. Like bunnies. And sex. *actual quote by Ms. Joan.

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posted by Japhy at 3/19/2003 03:49:00 PM || #

Anti-War Sentiment Hits Home "Give Peace a Chance" goes mainstream With this country on the doorstep of all out war, some unlikely voices are coming out in opposition to it. This weeks episode of The Simpsons, "Mr. Spritz goes to Washington" was startlingly political, showing the Springfield Republican party convening in a Dracula-ish manor house where the Republicans (among them, Dr. Hibbard, which in retrospect makes perfect sense) worked on their scheme to rename as many public places after Ronald Reagan as possible. The majority of the episode dealt with Krusty becoming a Congressman who, with the help of Walter Mondale and the Simpson family, finagles the system to pass a bill to reroute the air traffic flying over the Simpsons house. While the Simpsons have always been somewhat cynical, this episode was overloaded with contempt for the entire political process, showing corruption not as a thing to be thwarted, but used to your advantage. While Washington has been skewered by the Simpsons before, most notably in "Lisa's Spelling Bee", the difference here is that while "Lisa's Spelling Bee" ended in Lisa taking a stance against political corruption and standing up for The American Way, "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington" ends with Lisa slyly paperclipping an amendment onto a bill about to be voted on. The Beastie Boys have released their new single, "In a World Gone Mad" for free on the web. The anti-war song has lyrics comparing Bush to Zoolander, "trying to look tough for the camera " as his "midlife crisis war unfolds". Adam Horowitz explains, "This song is not an anti-American or pro-Saddam Hussein statement. This is a statement against an unjustified war." Get the song here. Perhaps most alarming of all, George Bush Sr., speaking at Tufts University, urged his son to work with the U.N. and that the case against Saddam was “less clear” than during the Gulf War. Full details at the London Times.

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posted by Japhy at 3/12/2003 04:07:00 PM || #

audblog audio post

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posted by Japhy at 3/12/2003 01:44:00 AM || #

New Yorkers For Democracy Hello there gentle readers. I know some of you have expressed some concern that Japhyjunket has not been regular as of late (though, rest assured, Japhy has been), but what with all the work I've been doing for the new site, as well as my other more pressing projects, I just haven't had the chance. Of course, I am spending most of my free time lately fighting terrorism. "What's that?", you say. "Japhy, you're from New York City. A stronghold of Democrat..er UnAmerican sentiment. New Yorkers are a treasonous lot! How can YOU- a New Yorker, be fighting terrorism?" Never mind that. It's classified. However, to prove you wrong, oh cynical reader, I recently asked some other New Yorkers what they are doing to stand up for the good ole' red, white and blue. Here are a few responses from some apple-pie-loving Manattanites: Sam Bennet, Upper West Side "I've taken up eyeing my neighbor suspiciously. Not for any real reason, but I like to think that my judgmental glances help keep him on the straight and narrow path of Democracy." Chris Duncan, Chelsea "Well, I for one, see those poor boys in my subway station everyday and my heart- it just goes out to them. You know the ones I'm referring to, those nice gentlemen with the M-16's. Thank George for our boys in green! Of course, if I were a terrorist, I would just dress up in a uniform and demand to be let in to the highest building I could find, what with everyone so kowtowed and unquestioning of any kind of authority. Of course, I'm not a terrorist because I'm white." Kim-sun Park, Lower East Side "With crocheting all the rage among the smart set, I've taken up making Liberty blankets (ed. note: She is referring, of course, to afghans) and selling them to high end retail boutiques. They come in a set of five: one each in green, blue, yellow, orange and red. That way you can have one for each level of the Homeland Security Threat System and wake up each morning knowing just how alert you need to be." Sumer Al-Balji, Midtown "I stay in. A lot." Dorothy B. Rosa, West Village "I'm quite proud to be doing nothing whatsoever. You know, when someone brings up war or civil liberties, I patriotically let my eyes glaze over and think about something else, usually a reality TV show I saw recently. I know, nothing makes our brave politicians and bureaucrats more pleased than a complacent populace. I'm doing my best to be uniformed and uninvolved, because with my silence, I'm helping our noble El Presidente and his cadre do whatever they damn well please. It's the American thing to do."

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posted by Japhy at 3/12/2003 12:45:00 AM || #

Is This Really the Future of Ground Zero? Daniel Liebeskind's design for the World Trade Center makes me want to wretch or An unbiased look at that crappy design that shouldn't have won. A last minute "No" from Governor Pataki and Mayor Bloomberg killed off the LMDC's decision to chose THINK team's crystaline towers as the replacement for the World Trade Center. Instead, last week at the World Financial Center Pataki praised Daniel Liebeskind's design as the one chosen to be built after an "open and democratic" process. Liebeskind, most widely known for his Jewish Museum in Berlin (pictured above) has created a vision of the World Trade Center steeped in kitschy concepts: A garden tower 1,776 feet tall, a "wedge of light" created by the buildings that will illuminate on September 11th of each year and a sunken pit for a memorial, leaving the exposed slurry wall of the original World Trade Center as a focal point. The execution of this design will draw visitors down into the Earth, leaving the rest of New York gazing up at an anemic tower jutting out downtown like some emaciated phallus. The surrounding buildings will be clad in Liebeskind's characteristically disheveled gashes and openings, creating an overall picture of what I can only see as jumbled chaos and an open wound as the centerpiece. Rather than reaffirming the spirit of democracy, Liebeskind's plan terrorizes us with the horrors of destruction. While entirely apt for The Jewish Museum, Liebeskind's harsh and deconstructed structures will be a constant reminder of the devastation of September 11th, not a vision of hope that transcends the act. The contender, which was the LMDC's initial choice, was by the THINK team, a New York based firm that proposed a World Cultural Center that mirrored the original Twin Towers, but in a form both ghostly and kinetic that would transform the skyline into something truly exciting and, above all, unique. It is a design that would have been both optimistic and reverent and frankly, exciting. Looking at the latticed towers, I wondered what such structures would look like in real life. Wandering around downtown last week, I imagined them rising up and it was something I knew I wanted to see, wanted to visit and wanted to be a symbol for our city. Liebeskind's design inspires nothing other than anger and disappointment. While the fight for what will be built at the World Trade Center has been a battle, Liebeskind's plan will leave the site looking like a battlefield.

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posted by Japhy at 3/04/2003 09:49:00 PM || #